I was a relentless teen. I never sat down, not even for a moment, I had more energy than my 1.67 m height could possibly handle. I was a mad mean mess of human force and my thoughts were always beating the speed of light. That’s probably why an idiot with a diploma concluded I’m one of the ADHD kids you read about in magazines, the ones that need pills so you can get along with them. I was on the look for balance and thought clearness, but I wasn’t able to explain to anybody what I was searching for. How could I?
You are going to laugh, but I found it (the je ne said que thing I was looking for) in a church. Not in a candle lighting, picture kissing way, no. There was this nice little mosque where I used to go just to stare at the walls and the ceiling where I discovered that the key to my inner peace was actually burried in me. In my own chest, somewhere between my lungs, right under my heart. I had a moment of clarity and five thousand questions answered in a blink. It was like I wasn’t carrying rocks with my bare shoulders anymore. I was free in more ways than one can even think about. I was finally at peace with myself.
I’m not sure (or better said I don’t think) I had a dialogue with God. What an awful mainstream name, God; I feel he’s so personal I am the only one allowed to talk to him, sometimes. One thing I know for sure: something spoke to me through me – I was finally in a place I felt I could call forever.
Someone told me some days ago that I semm to be an unemotional
bitch person. I’m not that, not at all. I am so ok with everything surrounding me that I do not feel the need to struggle with unimportant things. Why would I react every time something happens? Things pass by every moment. We can’t catch them all, we can’t react to them all. It’s energy and time consuming.
If you’re struggling, and I know you are – we all are, in one way or another -, stop trying to find external answers to your inner questions. Everything is where it is supposed to be: inside, in a raw form of force and power.